Hello world my name is Billy Mackenzie; I am a teenager who has his doubts about life and what my future may hold like another other kid. The purpose of this whole thing is to let the world know what it is like to be teenager in today’s society. As a young boy I was picked on by my peers which have lead to various phobias that I have. One of those phobias that I have is getting stickers put on myself; it makes me feel uneasy and brings up bad memories. My brother Charles and I are as close of brothers that you can find. The only thing closer than my brother may be my pet dog spike. Spike is a two year old bulldog that I cannot go a day without. As matter of fact here he comes right now into my room while I write this. One problem Spike has though is that if he doesn’t get attention he barks and will not stop barking. Oh, the food’s ready, no wonder he was barking. Hopefully my mother does not come into my room I was suppose to clean it for three days now. The more clothes lying around my room, the more likely I will hear a robber if he tries to sneak into my room at night. Another one of the phobias that I have unfortunately. Not to mention the bad smell and odor that will most likely repulse a robber. I am about to go have dinner so I will pick this up when I finish eating.

Alright I am back; my mother wants to make me every meal since this is my last year at home because I am off to university next year. I also wanted to write this journal because I feel it is not good to keep everything all bottled up. I want to succeed in life so bad that sometimes things become too difficult. My friends and I talk often about this and the one thing that is common between us is that we are all scared of what the future may hold. It is a scary world out there and after seeing numerous people fail at their respective jobs makes you think and wonder what’s in store for you. If I am not able to succeed like my brother has who is often saying how proud he is of me will affect me more emotionally and mentally then I think I could take. My father was never in my life so I had to learn everything the hard way and was taught everything I know from my mother and older brother. How I wish I could just go back to the old days where me and Poppa Mackenzie could just play go fish and eat Oreos and milk. I really do miss my grandfather, he was my father figure but he passed away when I was only 7 and I am 18 now. Every time that I wear blue it reminds of him but at the same time it reminds me of my childhood bullies. I not only want to succeed badly for myself but I want to for my mother, who has taken care of me and my brother through thick and thin. Only time will tell how things work out but I know if I work hard than anything is possible.

 

Hello again it’s Billy here writing day 2 of my journal. Today is big day for my friends and I, we are going to the convention centre to listen to a lecture about the school we will be attending next year. I have never been to one of these before and am hoping to get insight to what goes on and what will go on next year. Mikey one of my close friends that is going to the lecture with me is more scared then I am to leave home and head off to university. I hope that today will be the beginning of my long journey that is life.

Today was a disaster; I thought things were going to be so much better. I now realize why so many people fail and cannot make the transition to university, I hope things get better and I feel differently because I only have 2 months left until school starts. I hope things start to change fast.

I don’t know why I am being dragged to this lecture I already know what is going to happen. I’m going to get told don’t worry everyone takes a while to transition into university. Blah, Blah, Blah. I just am just going to go for Billy; I don’t understand how he is not nervous or scared to leave home. I wish I could be like him sometimes things seem to be good in his life.

Well, well, well look what we have here; it was not at all what I thought it would be like. I really think that I made the right decision in going here; I think I will have the time of my life. I can’t wait to leave in 2 months to head to school.

Oh hi world, it’s you again. I’m just having the time of my life here, ughh I cannot wait for this year to be over. All the things that my brother has taught me have not helped me enough; I wish he would have taught me how to deal with this crazy lifestyle. It has only been a month and I already regret ever coming here, I just want to go home or drop out. This has all become too much for me to handle, I am too young and immature to deal with any of this. In high school I was able to handle my work load and balance all of my classes but there is none of that in university. I have not slept in a day, but that’s not a first, the café food sucks I miss my mom’s cooking; I just need to go home and sleep in my own bed and get my head straight. I’m not giving up yet but I am really close to quitting.

Its midterm time now and things have only gotten worse for me. I am starting to come to grasp why people dropout or even get so stressed they commit suicide, I cannot handle this anymore. This lifestyle has become too demanding on me mentally and physically. The constant lack of sleep, not being able to sleep when I need to, missing meals to finish homework, the constant stress from all of the homework I just want it all to end. I’m starting to miss my brother, dog but most importantly my mother. Whenever things were going wrong in my life I would go to her for help but right now I cannot do that. Phone calls can only do so much when you need the love and affection that everyone deserves. If this continues I really don’t know what to do, maybe this is the time where I start to reconsider my life and if it’s worth living.

This has honestly been the time of my life here at university. My program is not that demanding so much that I am capable to go out on the weekends and party all the time. In high school I was never invited to parties but in university it seems that everyone has a party or everyone parties together I love the experience. Time will only make this experience that much better I just can’t wait until Billy will be able to experience some of this fun with me. He’s been working like crazy in order to be on track in his program, he is missing out on the whole experience and I think it is taking its toll on him. He no longer is that guy that only wants to surround himself with happy people nor does he care if people chew gum with their mouth open.        He has lost care for what people do just as long as they help him get all of his work done. Things need to get better for him or else something bad may happen.

Things are getting worse for Billy. He is starting to lose hope and is really considering dropping out and even spoke to me one time about suicide. As a friend I need to be there for him but I also want to enjoy my time here at university because this will go by quickly. I have tried to get him to come with me out to the bars or to parties but he doesn’t care for that, he doesn’t even want to socialize with people anymore. I hope things get better for him because I do not want to see my best friend like this and I am starting to get scared. I am not only scared that he might ruin his life by leaving but I am scared that he may end his life entirely. Change needs to happen and it needs to happen fast.

This dark campus dorm room all he can feel is growing pains of this decision of coming to university. The room is as dark as night and has a growing smell to it. The overwhelming smell is a mix of pain and regret but the most noticeable smell that lingers all throughout the room is surrender. A person who sleeps in this room on a daily basis must feel everything that this room is portraying. What it is portraying is that this person wants to give up and call it quits. There are open books laying all over the floor and desks. The person living in this room must be a hard worker. The countless number of energy drinks all over the room also means that this person has tried everything to stay up in order to get the job done. Although this is a good thing to get the job done, drinking energy drinks will eventually take its toll on you not only physically but mentally and emotionally. The clothes scattered all over the room do not help the illusion that this person is doing alright. Clothes piled up all over the room are also a sign that this person has given up and no longer cares. Even the hamper is over flown with clothes, and is drenched in a smell that could kill a fly. Not to mention the bed that remains unmade and with covers all over the place, the sheets are also dirty and ripped. The torture this person is going through must be extreme to allow their surroundings to be kept in such a manner. Nobody should allow themselves to live in a situation like this because these are some unbearable conditions. I hope the person living here’s has an attitude completely opposite to what this room is saying, because if not they are close to the edge and need help.

After a long day sitting in multiple lectures and waiting in line for the café for an hour I finally managed to head back to my room. As I opened the door I noticed the smell and thought to myself “what died”, I really need to open a window or spray something to make this smell better. I had to do this quickly before my brother walks in and thinks the same thing. As he walked in his facial expression said a thousand words, although the smell had not been fully devoured you can still get the idea that it smelled. Not only that, he saw how I was living and taking care of myself by looking at all of the mess inside my room that had not been cleaned up. I know he is my best friend and all but I can tell that he feels disgusted walking into such a messy room. I really do need to get things together and start to clean up my room and my life. I told my brother to sit down beside the pile of clothes but judging by his reaction he would’ve rather stood up and waited till I was done so that we could go out for once. I never realized how low of a point in my life I was at, I knew that things were bad but I never thought that things were this bad. Thinking about it now to others I probably looked like I was at my wits end. I was always upset, no longer cared what people did in front of me and my pet peeves. What was I turning into? Why am I acting like this? This is not the end; it is just a bump in the road. Things will get better they always do get better so I need to get myself together and start living my life like I intended to while I am still here. My brother could tell that I was pondering a thought and before he could say anything I uttered “yea, yea I know I need to get my act together”. We have always been on the same page and it was like he was reading my mind while I was pondering all these thoughts. It’s time to start living so I grabbed some clothes and ran to the showers to take a shower before we go out. When things start to go bad I can always count on my brother even if he doesn’t even say one word. It was time to start living and time to have the time of my life.

Once I got back from the shower my room looked spotless. I was stunned; my brother says I looked like I got told I failed a test. I asked him what the heck happened, and he replied I had to do it I was getting sick standing in a room that looked so disgusting. Even though I appreciated the gesture I still would have wanted him to inform me before it was done. All in all though the room did look better. I forgot to brush my teeth so I ran back to the washroom to do so. When I returned again the room smelt good and the curtain was pulled up blinding me as I walked in. What in the world is that smell? And why is the curtain pulled up? I asked. He said I also didn’t like the smell so I went to the girl next door to get some perfume and she was the one that pulled up the curtain. I don’t think she even knows your name but she did say your room looked nice, thanks to me. Well thank you but enough let’s get out of here I want to go out and have a good night.

Tonight is going to be a good night, I am starting to see thins clearer and I have my brother here to party with me I don’t think it gets much better. Well lookie here I spoke to soon, the girl that has the dorm next to mine is at this party. She looks good my brother said, yea I agree I should go over and talk to her. As I’m saying this my heart is beating as fast as race horses’ feet. I manage to build up the nerve to go over and talk to her, I introduce myself and she does also. Her name is Jenny and she is also a freshman, I guess good things do come to those who wait. Right as Jenny and I was talking I seen Mikey and waved to him, we than began talking more and more and get to know each other better things feel good and I am really happy that I did come out to this party tonight. This whole time that we have been talking I realize that I have not talked or seen my brother for an hour or so. I took a quick glance to see if I could see him but I guess he just stepped outside to get some fresh air. As I stepped back to talk to Jenny again I see she is kissing another guy, my first reaction was what the heck but then once I looked closer she was kissing, no way its Mikey. This must have been a dream I can’t believe one of my best friends could betray me like this. As I am furious on the inside on the out I look cool, calm and collective. As I am trying to build up the things to say to confront my best friend he looks over and says hey man what’s up? As I was about to answered I changed my mind and asked him what the heck he was doing. And that he knew I was talking to her and seen me talking to her earlier. He told me to back off and relax and meet another girl. Right as he said that my anger took over and a punch was thrown. Crack! Direct hit in the face as he stubbles back and regains his balance. He then starts charging at me and in reaction I froze and he tackled me. We wrestled on the ground until I was able to break loose and just as I did everything went black. A couple minutes later I woke up lying on the grass outside wondering what the heck had happened. I couldn’t believe I just fought my best friend but not only that I got knocked out in front of the girl I was starting to get to know better. Ashamed and overwhelmed my brother found me picked me and dragged me back to my dorm. Once I made it to my dorm room he opened the door and sitting on the bed was Jenny. She was trying to explain that Mikey was drunk and forced himself on her and that she didn’t want to kiss him. As I sit here and laugh about this whole situation I tell myself no more parties for me. This was more than enough excitement needed for one man.

It may seem that mine and Jenny’s relationship will last more than just last night. She came into my dorm room this morning and asked if I would like to go out for a meal later and see a movie. Being an immature dummy I chuckled, starting blushing and said yes mam. She had suggested that we go to a restaurant located not too far off of campus. As she left my room I could not feel more excited to hangout later that night and hopefully get to know Jenny better than I had. I was so excited that I couldn’t do any homework and just sat in my room thinking of the things that I could possibly talk about. Hours have gone by and I haven’t even showered I have no idea what I am waiting for. I hop up out my bed, turned my lights on took a look in the mirror and said lets go, oh man I’m going on a date, yeah-ah. As silly as it sounds this would be my first official date, I really shouldn’t have been such a geek in high school. Well anyways on a better note I need to start getting ready for my date tonight. I rush to the washroom today bringing along my toothbrush this time. After getting all prepped to look good for tonight I race back to my room to get dressed. Eager to go on this date I quickly thrown on my best pants and shirt then start to lace up my shoes. Knock, Knock. I wonder who that could be at my door I wasn’t expecting anyone. I open the door only to see Mikey with his head down. Scared I’m about to fight again I ask him what he wants, he replies saying I’m sorry for last night I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing. Glad that there was no fight about to happen I accept his apology and invite him in. As Mikey and I are talking about school Jenny knocks on the open door and asks if I was ready to go. I reply yes and Mikey walks out of the room with his head down in hands thinking of how he made a fool of himself last night. She asks what that was about and I tell her that he was apologizing. Seems about right he was in the wrong she said, as we exit my dorm room. The walk is only about 5 minutes Jenny says. As we get to the restaurant we get seated right away and have a nice meal getting to know one another. She has a lot of things in common with me than I expected. I could really see this going somewhere I tell myself. I hope the movie goes as well as this dinner has.

As we walk to the movie theatre we are laughing having a good time, thinking how this could go down as one of the best first dates of all time. We arrive at the movie theatre fifteen minutes early and decide to get popcorn. In my head I am thinking about how expensive everything is at the movies. Now I know why I never went on any dates in high school I would’ve been broke if I tried. The movie that we are going to see tonight is some kind of horror movie, although I don’t like scary movies it is an easy way to get close to Jenny without crossing any lines. Contemplating putting my arm around her I decide that I will wait until there is a scary part in the movie and then I will make a move to protect her. It’ll seem like I am her knight in shining armor. Unfortunately the movie was not scary enough for her to want to cuddle up next to me, there goes my idea. As we leave the movie theatre she asks if I liked the movie and if I was scared. Trying to seem like a macho man I play it off like the movie was nothing and that I do not get scared easily. She laughs and says is that why you looked like you were going to wet yourself the entire movie. I start to blush and my tongue gets tied and I just start to laugh. I tell her I was not afraid of the movie I was afraid that someone was going to come into the movie theatre and rob us, I explain to her how this is a fear of mine and she giggled. She says how she would’ve protected me through it all, as we are walking back to residence we continue talking about anything and everything. We make it back to our section of our residence and we start to walk up the dreaded stairs. We start discussing how the university should invest in a elevator for situations like this. Typical university students complaining about anything that you could possibly imagine. We finally reach our floor and walk to her door. She tells me she has had a great night and would like to hangout again; I second that without a heartbeat passing by. She giggles and says you are really nice and gives me a kiss goodnight and walks in her room. I couldn’t have dreamed about a better first date and smile as I walk into my dorm room. So excited that I couldn’t sleep I tried to figure places we could go next, couldn’t believe just a week ago I was thinking about leaving. Oh how time did tell.

After my date with Billy I have decided that I do want to see him again. It was a fun easy going night and he seems like a fine fellow. As I have gotten to know him more and more, the more I start to like him. This weekend we will be going out again and all I know is that we will be having the time of our lives. I cannot wait. It’s ironic how we met but you never know how things will turn out and who you will meet.